Betrayal..

Sooo. Here is what happened in my life today... My mother(let's call her H) informed me today that she has decided to get in touch with her mother(jan) , my grandma whom we have not spoken to in 18 years because she allowed my grandpa (her dad) to molest me while my mom left me in her care while my mom would go to work. My mom made this decision because my 8 year old sister(let's call her N) has been crying because she wants to meet her because she "has no extended family" due the fact that N's grandma(let's call her I) [(I call her N's grandma and not my grandma because my dad adopted me at the age of 3 and due to the fact that I am not his blood his family never accepted me as their granddaughter... His mother nor his father(they are divorced and remarried))] has decided to go  back to her old ways of doing prescription pills and drinking wayyyyy too much so N is not allowed to go see her anymore (even though my dad's mom (I) lives right across the street from my parents). So my mom contacted her twin sister to see if it was ok to take my sister to meet my grandma. My grandma supposedly told my mom no (but we are not sure if we really believe her twin sister bc we think she doesnt want to have my mom in the picture because she likes being an only child) and my mom told my dad and he got very upset because they werent accepting my sister and had no desire to have her as apart of the family. Now this is my rational on the whole situation..

First I feel betrayed by mom.. How could she possibly want to have involvement with the woman who allowed her child to be molested. She basically fed me to the wolves so to speak.. In my opinion allowing her back into their lives is like saying it that it is ok.. or that it never happened.. that is not ok. Regardless of the fact that I am 20 what my grandma allowed her husband to do to me still effects me on a daily basis. very much so.


Second I feel that my dad is wrong.. I understand that he loves my sister.. but he NEVER cared that his family didnt accept me. He always just ignored the problem as well as my hurt.. but he is going nuts over the fact that my moms family isnt jumping at the fact to meet the apple of his eye. My dad very often shows favoritism towards my sister and it is finally getting to me after 8 years of dealing with it. I am soooo over dealing with it. he even goes as far as to allow her to disrespect me and DARES me to scold her for it. I am sorry but I refuse to be disrespected by an 8 year old. especially in my own house. How pathetic is it to be belittled by an 8 year old.

ugh i feel so lost!